PARODY: Wacky Wayne LaPierre, head of the National Rifle Assn., has found the solution that will solve most of his problems when it comes to someone being shot by one of the guns he is sworn to protect. We all know it is his life's work to insure that every gun manufacturer in the U.S. sells at least one handgun to every person in the country, and that does include newborns. So with millions of guns on the street it was incumbent on LaPierre to get help for the millions of people who would be shot. He admits the numbers will be in the thousands, eventually the millions of those wounded, but unfortunately there is nothing the bloody crusader can do about the victims who die. These people are no longer a priority because they can't purchase guns.
|The wacky one, Wayne LaPierre|
The process is simple. Each time someone is shot but not killed they pull out their Wounds R Us kit which includes a secret "Save a Life for Gun Rights" pen that fires a spongy projectile into the wound coated with something to stop the bleeding immediately while it expands in the bloody hole. The NRA sells the product online and it is available in all gun stores, where, unfortunately, you must ask for the product since it is kept under the counter. Wacky Wayne is elated by his new discovery, and as he has explained to his many gun company benefactors, at last we have the perfect answer to all these unreasonable gun control advocates.
Now there is a new product designed to close gunshot wounds which looks like an invention that will save many lives in the future. You can read about the real XStat here.