Friday, June 22, 2012

Satire on gun violence…Is that possible?


Wacky Wayne

How many dead kids does it take for the top gun lobby to re-think their position on gun control?  A National Rifle Assn. (NRA) spokesperson said, “oh around 1,000.”  And it would have to be a school setting to make us really stand up and take notice.  The NRA’s CEO, Wayne LaPierre, said they’d like to see them face down in the school auditorium or maybe the football field.  Of course, standing by while they are carried out in body bags would certainly help, he added.

I wish I had written this and what is yet to come but I am only republishing it, with some embellishment, from The Onion, which provides a wake up call for the American public that our kids, and adults, are being slaughtered at an alarming rate around the U.S. simply because there are too many guns on the street.  And while innocent people are experiencing a bloodbath, as you will soon see below, the NRA continues to push for looser gun laws.

I need to stop the comedy parade right here for a moment and call your attention to the best website out there that records kid shootings and deaths by guns, Kid Shootings.  Please take the time to scan this blog for information on kids being butchered by firearms, and if this doesn’t make you want to contact your representatives in Washington to do something about this dilemma, then nothing will. 

On a monthly basis, this blog publishes a report on nationwide shootings, shooting deaths and those wounded by firearms.  As a matter of fact, this past weekend is an example of the firearm massacre that is spreading throughout the country from Baltimore to Anchorage.

In just one weekend, from June 15 to June 17, there were 24 shootings, 15 killed and 52 wounded.  And there may be more that just haven’t been announced yet.  Chicago continues its bloodshed with the most action; 9 shootings, 7 dead and 35 wounded.

Back to LaPierre, he reasoned that 800 dead kids might not even raise the hackles of gun worshippers; it would have to be a ton of kids getting their heads blown off.  “We’d also require that at least 30 different types of weapons would have to be used for any serious consideration of what was intended by the Founding Fathers in the 2nd Amendment.”  Talking about large high schools of around 4,000 students, 1,000 dead ones “aren’t even a drop in the bucket.”

LaPierre said that if you hypothetically had a situation where 999 kids die, and number 1,000 was the shooter taking his own life, “I hope you don’t expect me to take that seriously.”  Further, “To me, that seems more like an isolated incident that shouldn't really impact everyone's rights, you know?"  Then he comments that after all he has seen, a low count like 350 to 470 dead kids would have no impact. 

Although we are dealing with satire here, this fanatic has been leading the gun bubbas for over 21 years.

Another short halt in The Onion’s satiric genius to comment on one of the best sites on the gun issue in the country, Common Gunsense which simply advocates sensible gun legislation.  This particular link is to a recent story titled, “Gun Fools,” which seemed supremely appropriate when talking about Wayne LaPierre and the NRA.  I urge you to read other stories if you want an excellent slant on gun issues.

The satire piece concludes with LaPierre once again dawdling over numbers with his new take that, “"One thousand dead kids would have very little impact on us.”  But he followed that with, “Now if 50,000 kids died in a school shooting that might be a different story. Something around 50,000 to 80,000 dead kids. You know what, forget that. Maybe something closer to 250,000. Yeah, 250,000 dead kids."

Thanks Wayne.  At least we have a firm number to “shoot” for now.  And although a massacre like that would be too horrific to imagine, when you look at the daily shootings, killings, and number wounded, it’s entirely possible that a much bigger event is in the works and will be carried out if we don’t enact more gun control.


  1. Thanks for citing the Kid Shootings blog, Jack. There are more kid shooting alerts than we can manage to keep up with, sadly. So the vast number that we reprint there only represent maybe 10-20% of them.

    One pro-gun extremist once commented to me, online, that no number of deaths would be enough to "restrict gun rights" in any way, after I had pointed out the alarming statistics to him. When guns are the love of your life, you are blind to their negative effects on society.

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