Political Satire: Running from the Oval Office Trump screams FIRE...FIRE

It was 2AM in the White House when Donald Trump emerged from the Oval Office, smartphone held high, screaming that there was a fire, when he ran into Kellyanne Conway stalking Steve Bannon. She thought he was NBC's Chuck Todd. KC said, "What the hell are you talking about? Where?"

"Right here on my phone you idiot, and you are one of the main reasons."

"If you keep hurting my feelings, I'll go on TV and tell everyone your gardener does your hair."

He thought about that for a minute and decided to change the subject. "KC, they're getting way too close to the truth about my connections to Russia, and you know how much I hate the truth. By the way, have you ever told the truth?"

She thought so long that Donald John went on. "When I told my campaign to get in touch with Russian officials about Hillary and the Democratic National Committee, they told me no one would ever know. The question now is how to hang them out to dry and get me off the hook. If you can ace that, I'll put you in charge of Steve Bannon."

"Goody, goody," was the reply, and she immediately tweeted, 'White House learns that it was Jared Kushner who set up contacts with Russia to do the hacking and is the close friend of Vladimir Putin.' She looked at her phone satisfied that she was still able to lie like the pro she was. 'Two birds with one stone." Then, "That'll teach him to try and keep me out of the White House.

The real story...

Political Satire: White House renamed Looney Bin

The transition from a perfectly normal White House, with a normal President and his normal family, to this...

We have a President who wasn't elected by the popular vote, who is a tweet mongering lunatic and pathological liar. If that weren't enough, he brings along a family, not just to join him occasionally in the White House, but to help him run the government. Without the slightest idea of what they are doing. Of course, neither does Donald Trump as President.

 E.J. Dionne sums it up best in his Washington Post headline: "Admit it: Trump is unfit to serve"

I could stop right now, having made my case for ridding this country of a demagogue who will surely, if given the time, bring the United States down to its knees. But unfortunately there is more...

Donald John sends his son in law, Jared Kushner, Ivanka's husband, to the middle-east for peace negotiations because 1)he s a real estate salesman, 2) he's Ivanka's husband, 3) he's a Jew. As a comparison, a recent negotiator was former Senator and presidential candidate, John Kerry.

Donald John goes wacko when Nordstrom drops his daughter, Ivanks's, clothes line spending a couple days tweeting nonsensical tirades against the company--prompting two other retailers to do the same--mostly ignoring the job he was elected to do,. 

Donald John names Steve Bannon his chief strategist. For what, to promote an administration of white nationalists that is already lopsided with racists like Jeff Sessions, the new Attorney General, and Donald Trump himself, with his first Executive Order to ban immigrants from the country. 

And, of course, the continued cultivation of his twin pathological liar and all around ringmaster of the White House lunatics, Kellyanne Conway. If there is anyone in the lineup of Trump flunkeys that should be kept out of the public eye and cutting the White House lawn, it is KC. 

In closing, Dionne's concerns over Trump's loyalties bother me most and should matter to the wingnuts that elected him. I'm thinking, as we can hold someone accountable legally for libel, there should be a way to make Trump supporters accountable for what this maniac is doing to our country.

The real story...

Political Satire: Mitch McConnell still the asshole even after Obama

Mitch Mitchell-The epitome of hypocrisy

Many Republican Senators, featuring Mitch McConnell at the head of the list, have made it their goal, actually a crusade, to put the good of America on the back burner with the sole purpose to stand in the way and defeat anything the Democrats propose. The movement became a monster under McConnell as the minority leader in the Senate in 2009. His quote was: “The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president.” A single-minded promise to screw the country in order to stop a great President from doing great things. They did.

But Barack Obama was elected to a second term, so now how do we get rid of Mitch McConnell? Legally, of course. With this in mind, I would like to suggest that McConnell immediately retire from the Senate and enter a monastery to atone for his sins against the former President. If he won't go willingly, maybe Harry Reid could be talked into shanghaiing him from the Congress subway system, then delivering him to the abbey. After all, Reid is a former boxer. I know this would never happen but can't you see it now?

First of all, you would have to explain to McConnell what atone means.

Second, none of the Monks would have anything to do with him. Naturally.

Third, McConnell would refuse to enter the monastery if there were any black monks; force needed

Fourth, he would fight to block any...well, just about anything that comes up within the walls.

Fifth, all the lies he tells in the monastery must stay in the monastery. Denied.

Pipe dreams? Yes, but this is what Progressives do with this kind of President and Congress.

The real story...

Political Satire: Trump's 'propaganda minister' in trouble

Kellyanne Conway transitions to pathological liar

Mika Brzezinski of MSNBC's "Morning Joe" show says she won't interview Kellyanne Conway because “It’s giving people dishonesty, it’s not worth the interview.” Another quote from a show anchor...

"Conway hasn’t been invited on the anchor's show for months, saying the viewer gets 'nothing out of her' because 'she constantly obfuscates and misrepresents the truth.'”

 In cognitive behavioral therapy, a pathological liar is...

"...a stand-alone disorder as well as a symptom of other disorders such as psychopathy and antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorders, but people who are pathological liars may not possess characteristics of the other disorders. Excessive lying is a common symptom of several mental disorders."

I can see the headline now, 'Mike Pence assumes presidential duties. His first act is an Executive Order to commit Donald John and KC to the White House funny farm to receive therapy for their compulsive lying. Sorta like a modern day political Mutiny on the Bounty. Trump is of course Captain Bligh, and  Conway could play the deck hand who organizes the crew into mutiny; very appropriate casting if I do say so.

The real story...

Political Satire: Trump Executive Order making Steve Bannon Presdent

Trump's latest Executive Order

Donald Trump was secretly constructing a new Executive Order when Kellyanne Conway walked into the Oval Office. She immediately asked what he was working on since Donald John looked so insidious. He told her he was afraid he might have to resign since everyone was dropping Ivanks's clothes line and there was no way he would let this country's business interfere with his business. Besides, he planned to come out with a new line of golf balls and his business advisers were telling him 'Dump the presidency." I'm recommending Steve Bannon for the job.

"Whaddaya mean, Bannon, Mike Pence is Vice President."

"That's what this Executive Order is for but don't tell Mikey or Stevo yet."

"This is bullshit, why can't I be President?" KC retorted.

"You're a woman, to begin with, and besides, no one likes you. You have to have charisma like me."

It was right then that Melania walked in. "Here's the plan to trim the White House in gold. Mitch McConnell loves it and says he'll get the budget of $100 million approved."

Donald John looked at everyone, "Maybe I'll hang around another two years; probably won't make it past the midterms anyway."

The real story...

Political Satire: 3 Musketeers replace KKK

Yiannopoulos, Spencer and Bannon

Not that we were ever free of the Ku Klux Klan, but now we have a new version of white supremacy going by the initials YSB which stands for Milo Yiannopoulos, Richard Spencer and Steve Bannon. You know who Bannon is but the other two are less well known but just as articulate. And I guess I just don't get it because I have never understood why a white Caucasian thinks the color of their skin makes them a better human being than another person of color, particularly blacks. I read the book, "Race and Reason" over 50 years ago, convinced these people were fruitcakes then.

According to the Additive Color Theory, white is a color and black is the absence of color, scientifically speaking. That could play several ways to mean what you want, but any way you cut it, it's laughable. Look at it this way...for some reason the sun gets hung up on earth and there is no darkness for six months. All us superior whites get sun tans that make us look almost black. All the blacks out in the sun non-stop are bleached out to mulatto. Yiannopoulos, Spencer and Bannon look at each other and are horrified that no one can tell the difference anymore. Peace.

The real story...

Political Satire: Bedbugs responsible for Kellyanne Conway wackiness

Kellyanne's personal bed bug

Kellyanne Conway was lying on the exam table in the emergency room of Bethesda Naval hospital wearing only one of those gowns that open down the back, or front, or whatever. The bright florescent light glaring overhead made her squint, shading her eyes momentarily with her hand. Two doctors were discussing the situation over in the corner but she couldn't really hear what they were saying. One looked at her periodically and she didn't like the scowl on his face. Finally, the other doc said out loud, "It can't be," and KC came raring up.

"It can't be what?" and the two doctors hurriedly left the room calling for constraints.

Now she didn't know what to do. There was something wrong, no doubt, when Donald John had recommended that she needed medical help. Her family and staff agreed. Even Steve Bannon thought her behavior was beyond unusual; on a scale of one to ten, right now she was an eleven. It all stemmed from an itching in her brain that prompted her to say ridiculous things, even more ridiculous than she normally did. Like recently she made the statement that Donald Trump had decided to enter the priesthood and wanted KC to join him as a nun. This was on CNN, labeled alternative news.

It was right after that crawly, itchy feeling in her head. She likened it to liberals walking in her brain and said it wasn't a sure thing but thought it was Bernie Sanders. And then on another occasion, she walked into the briefing room, right up to the podium, and gave the press her daily briefing. Except, the press wasn't there, only a janitor cleaning who clapped loudly. It didn't go unnoticed since the security cameras were on and the secret service was on the floor laughing. Then she was jerked back to reality when the two docs walked back into her room snickering at each other.

"Ms. Conway, I don't exactly know how to tell you this but you have a cute little nest of bedbugs burrowing close to your brain. Right at the base of your skull located between your eyes," one of them said.

At that moment, KC's eyes crossed and she started screaming. "How the hell did they get in there?"

"Probably through your mouth. Is it open a lot?"

The real story...

Political Satire: Iran tells Donald Trump to "shove" his threat

Not sure who to be most afraid of

It was near bedlam in the White House with Kellyanne Conway, Steve Bannon, Michael Flynn and of course Donald John all gathered around the huge Oval Office globe, trying vainly to find Iran on the large round surface. Then Michael Flynn spun the globe and cried wheee! KC put her hand on the surface and stopped the spinning. "Isn't it somewhere in Europe?" she asked.

"Hell no," replied Stevo, "It's a part of Libya."

"You're both way out of line," chimed in flipped-out Flynn, "It's an island right off Greece," as he pointed to a dirty speck on the globe's surface.

And then the commander of chaos spoke up, "You dummies, you can't find Iran because they changed their name to Persia. It was back in 1979 when they ran the Shah of Iran out of the country and Jimmy Carter put him and his wife up in the Lincoln bedroom. They changed the name to Persia; its people were actually Aryans, which translates today into white nationalists."

"Hey," said Stevo, "that fits right into my foreign policy."

Then Reince Preibus walked in. "Some guy from Iran's Hotel Assn. is on the phone, something about a luxury hotel in Tehran."

Donald John looked around the room, "He means Persia." Then, "Tell him I'll be right with him." And then to the others, "Okay, meeting is over."

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Political Satire: How about a robot government-Couldn't be worse

That's me, only much smarter

Amazon is opening a super market in Seattle that is controlled by robots, with only six human on the premises; they plan to reduce humans to three. Don't know about yours but one of the stores we shop in has around a hundred employees and they're talking about three? So I figure...why not apply that concept to the federal government? The adaptation would be relatively simple since Congress is as brainless as are the robots. Except a robot can be equipped with artificial intelligence, something that wouldn't even bring Senators and House Representatives up to the level of moron.

And then there's the White House. That would need a special robot, based on the current occupant. Although, it is very doubtful that you could find even a robot that would mimic this lunatic, and as far as I know, robots don't lie. Maybe the Neiman Marcus catalog could be talked into coming up with a presidential robot since they deal in the extravagant. The big question, of course, is how many humans would it take to manage all the robots? The answer is zero. Even robots running amok in Washington couldn't do any worse that the blockheads that are running it now.

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Political Satire: White House forced to take English 101

The dufus and his minions

Say what you want, but Donald Trump is supposed to have at least a modicum of intelligence; unfortunately that has never translated into common sense. But even the acumen of the glorious new leader of the greatest country in the world needs help. How do you spell honor? Not honer. The use of the word unprecedented, becomes unpresidented in Donald John's tweets, quite possibly the fact that he still can't believe he was elected, as many thousands more feel. How's this tweet, “I am honered to serve you, the great American People, as your 45th President of the United States!”

The modern world already thinks the Trump administration is a conglomeration of racists, white nationalists, loose cannons, crackpots and full-fledged idiots. Its commander is the epitome of lunacy. The UK''s Independent said...

"The grammar used by Donald Trump in his speeches as he campaigned to become the Republican presidential candidate corresponds to that used by students aged 11 and under."

Here's how the Washington Post put it...

The English language was unprepared for the attak. It was destined to loose. And, inevitably, it chocked.

Apparently Donald John missed, or if he was there, failed, all the spelling bees in high school.

Political Satire: Anti-Trump followers flock to Mars

A NASA astronaut was asked if we should take the opportunity to colonize Mars. He said, "Nope." Ron Garan said this recently so it isn't like it was before Donald Trump was elected. Or maybe he is a supporter of Donald John. Probably not when you consider his letter to the new U.S. emperor. But I would like to propose a compromise to the idea. Establish a temporary haven for the anti-Trump folks, something like a Disneyland on Mars; they're everywhere else. Maybe even let Trump build it with, of course, staunch oversight.

Once Richard Branson has the kinks worked out of Virgin Galactic, he can start taking reservations and with the millions of takers, Branson should be able to reduce his fare of $250,000 a trip down to the typical cost of an airline ticket cross-country. It's only provisional accommodations, of course, and once Donald John is impeached or implodes and resigns, a happy group of anti-Trump devotees can return to earth and begin the process of getting rid of Mike Pence and the entire Republican Party. The last part will be the hardest but certainly the most fulfilling.

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Political Satire: Kellyanne Conway...President?

The whip was concealed in her purse but everyone she passed in the hallway could see the fire in her eyes with the complete determination that was written on her face. Kellyanne Conway was on a mission and she would let nothing stand in her way. Just outside the Oval Office, she told the staff, including Vice President Pence who was waiting, 'no one enters until I am done.' She went in without knocking and locked the door behind her. Walking over to the great ruler's desk, she took the whip from her purse, threw it in front of Donald Trump and said, "See this, hope I don't have to use it."

"What the hell do you mean walking in here like..."

"Don't give me that shit, Donald John, I got you elected and I can get you un-elected, unless you change your ways."

DJ was at a loss for words for a few minutes until regaining his composure. "I could fire you for something like this."

"You could but you won't. What I know about you would fill three extra editions of the Washington Post. Now listen to me. I'm tired of you putting out all this bullshit and then I have to explain it. Makes me look like a dumb shit."

"Hold on a minute, need to tweet something on Jeff Sessions confirmation."

"No freakin' way until I approve it; all of those go through me from now on."

"No way," said a cranky but cowering DJ, and then he pushed back from his desk and started to get up.

As he did, KC yanked the whip up from his desk, cracking it just in front of DJ's nose. "Sit, she commanded," and he did. "From now on I'm running things around here. You sit in the chair but I give the orders. This country wanted a female president, well now they've got one." She rolled the whip up, put it back in her purse, and walked out of the Oval Office.

After KC had closed the door, DJ pulled out his smartphone and dialed a number. "Hey 'Fat Tony,' remember that favor you owe me?"

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Political Satire: Will Bernie Sanders sue Donald Trump

A lawsuit might just work against loudmouth

If anyone knows a fraud it is Bernie Sanders, Democratic candidate for the 2016 Primary along with Hillary Clinton. The Bern says Donald John is a fraud because he wants to "...undo financial regulations enacted following the 2008 financial crisis as a betrayal of his campaign promises to stand up against Wall Street." If there is anyone who stands up to Wall Street, it is Bernie Sanders. He said Donald Trump is a good showman but a hypocrite by deserting the middle-class voters after campaigning heavily on this issue.

Sanders sued the DNC so why not the President of the United States. The Bern would sue Donald John, on behalf of the workers of America, for breach of contract, citing his promises to them in his presidential campaign to stand his ground against the financial giants. The courts recognize some promises as legally sound for litigation, and considering the number of pledges Trump has already broken along with the numbers of lies uttered to prove his points, there is a natural precedent for the broken promise charge filing. I can see it now...

They probably wouldn't jail a sitting President but can't you see Donald John confined to the White House wearing an ankle bracelet monitoring his every move. At least Melania would know where he is then.

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Political Satire: Even foreign restauranteurs repelled by Donald Trump

Cafe ZeeZicht with Trump antagonists

Cafe ZeeZicht in Antwerp, Belgium, will start a boycott this Friday against all American products. “The language Mr. Trump speaks is the language of economics, so in that language we want to reply,” says the bar's owner, David Joris . "So, that’s why we are not selling American products at the moment.” Thanks to Donald John, we might have a trend starting in Europe that could have a huge impact on America's foreign trade. Joris has replaced Lay's chips with Belgian-made Croky chips, Coke has been substituted by a Belgian-made cola. What will be next?

The UK's Telegraph reports that Donald Trump's trade policies are driving Latin America into China's arms; will it drive countries like Belgium into Russia's? Maybe this is the deal going on between Putin and Trump, to build up the Russian economy. A few more like this and Vlad will let Donald John build his luxury hotel in Moscow. But the best part is Joris's idea of boycotting. How about Trump hotels in Las Vegas, Washington, D.C., Chicago, and into Canada, Toronto and Vancouver. Go to Hotels.com for substitutes. That's my Trump shot for the day.

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Political Satire: Trump a "Second Coming" for Iran

The two Supreme Leaders???

There can't be any foreign nation that the U.S. has had more complex dealings with than Iran. Okay, maybe, North Korea but in that case we are dealing with a lunatic comparable to what is in the White House today. Iran, however, has really hit the mark in its appraisal of Donald Trump's ascendancy to the presidency of the U.S. with these comments from Iran's Ayatollah Ali Khamenei...

"We are grateful to this gentleman who has come."

Remind you of something that is dear to a number of people? Pitifully, the Supreme Leader thanked trump for revealing the true face of America. According to Donald John that would be a look of racism, white nationalism, abused women, all along with an environment of hate. Don't get me wrong, the U.S. isn't looked on by the world as a perfect and benevolent nation, but we were never seen with the bleakness reflected by a Donald Trump profile. What is worse, Trump's followers, many of whom are Christians, woefully no doubt believe he is the second coming.

The question is when will this all implode and this country can return to normalcy?

Political Satire: Steve Bannon becomes President by Executive Order

Steve Bannonn

Donald Trump was sitting in the Oval Office looking at reruns of "The Apprentice" reality show when his chief strategist, Steve Bannon, walked in with papers in his hand. "I have something here that needs your signature oh great one."

"Don't bother me now, Stevo, can't you see I am tied up with something of grave importance to the future of this great country?"

"I realize the gravity of your most presidential effort, our sultan, but this too is something that will benefit our country, beyond what you might ever imagine."

"Okay, Stevo, if you insist, but just wait for this scene, here it comes, 'Your're fired,'" God, can't get enough of it. Put the paper down here (which he signs still looking at his image on TV). There, it's signed." Steve Bannon leaves the Oval Office with a huge grin on his face.

The Washington Post puts out an extra edition the next morning:

Donald Trump signs Executive Order making Steve Bannon President of the United States. No one has seen Donald John since, but three men dressed in white robes with hoods were seen leaving the White House late last evening in a pickup truck with Louisiana plates and something wrapped in a Confederate flag. No comment from the Oval Office.

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Political Satire: Trump Executive Order for Nordstrom to do what?

Donald Trump was working late in the Oval Office on a secret Executive Order that had him fired up and obviously something he was indignant about. All the doors were locked and he wouldn't even acknowledge the Secret Service agent checking on him. Go away, he boomed, and returned to work on the order. It was 2 AM and he had just tweeted that Bernie Sanders just announced that he had switched his allegiance to the Republican Party backing its new CEO. He liked that title rather than party head. He had labeled his tweet Alternative News just in case.

By 3 Am he had finished his work and decided to turn in. On his way to the master bedroom, he passed Melania coming out of the Lincoln bedroom on her way to the kitchen for some warm milk. Donald John continued on, stopping momentarily at his secretary's office to drop off his rough draft of the Executive Order. The next morning, he finally showed up close to noon. His secretary came into the Oval Office and placed the EO on his desk and, turning, returned to her office shaking her head. "Now, that'll teach those losers," he said.

That morning's Washington Post (yes, already leaked) had a spread on the front page:

"Donald Trump issues Executive Order to Nordstrom's Dept. Store to reinstate his daughter, Ivanka Trump's line of clothes. Failure to comply immediately will result in a 20% Trump tax on everything else sold in the store. Nordstrom did not reply for a request for comments."

Political Satire: Kellyanne Conway spoofs Donald Trump

Kellyanne Conway with...admirer

It is a known fact that Donald Trump doesn't listen to things until he sees them on the media. And it is also known from a recent PunditFact study that the Fox Network news is true only 17% of the time and is false or mostly false 59% of the time. That is the conservative news network and probably the one Donald John watches most. This seems logical since most of his utterances are not accurate, some not even close. Kellyanne Conway knew this so she decided to see just how far the Oval Office potentate would go. She leaked a news story that Steve Bannon was the White House leak.

The next morning the story broke on Fox, without a confirmation, of course. The White House mouth waited quietly in her office for her leader to call to tell her he would raise hell with Bannon. Nothing. Lunch passed and still no word from the great room. Conway was in a terrible fluster, asking her assistant every few minutes if she had a call. Then she was told there was one from the administration white nationalist. She answered.

"Thanks for the leak," said Stevo, "know it was you, had your imprint all over it. The Don was elated. Some of the leaks raised his popularity rating 10 points. He has put me in charge of the entire White House staff...including you."

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Political Satire: Donald Trump fights wall of kangaroos

You know, you would think that even a mentally challenged President would know which side his toast is burned on. There are world leaders who have always hated the United States and make sure we know this by their actions, Australia isn't one of the latter, but may soon become one after Donald John kicked their Prime Minister in the balls several times by phone. Donald Trump doesn't want 1,250 refugees from their detention centers, agreed on by former President Obama. If Obama made this agreement, there must have been a good humanitarian reason.

Later that day Australia's PM Malcolm Turnbull, called Mexico's President Enrique Peña Nieto, who had also fought with the new monarch over a wall between the U.S. and Mexico. They agreed that Turnbull would supply Peña Nieto with several hundred kangaroos, enough that there would be one about every one-hundred feet. They would fight off all Mexican workers going into the U.S., cutting off America's labor force in the fields, restaurants, gardening, housecleaning and more. Turnbull welcomed these workers to Australia's thriving economy.

It was only two months later. All fast food businesses had shut down in the U.S. There were no landscape centers. The fields were overgrown with unpicked crops. Trash was piling up everywhere. The U.S. economy was spiraling down. From the White House Donald John sat back in his Oval Office chair and tweeted, 'Tie me kangaroo down sport, tie me kangaroo down.' Mike Pence clapped dutifully.

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Political Satire: Infirm President-Loose cannon adviser contemplate war

The two of them were sitting in the White House Situation Room located in the basement of the West Wing. President Donald Trump and national security adviser ­Michael Flynn, sitting across the table from each other, just staring.

Donald John: What the hell are we doing here, Mike?

Flynn: Your greatness, I've heard so much about this place, I just had to see it.

Donald John: Jesus Christ, you pulled me out of my Oval Office just for that. I was busy talking to the White House designer about a new gold inlaid rug to replace that thing with a design on it.

Flynn: But that's your official seal of President of the United States.

Donald John: Mike, don't need that. I know I'm the most powerful person in the world now. What the hell's wrong with you, everyone knows that.

Flynn: Okay, then why don't we talk about starting a war while we're here. You already put sanctions on Iran for doing those nuclear tests. Let me take a few good men, sneak into the country, and bomb a Tehran night club. Then I can go right over to the Tehran News, take credit for it in the name of the United State and, bingo, we've got a war.

Donald John: Sounds good to me but, Mike, how do you plan to get out of Iran then?

Flynn: Your illustriousness, you will then wage the global war I have always dreamed of and rescue me.

Donald John: You know...it just might work.