Political Satire: White House renamed Looney Bin

The transition from a perfectly normal White House, with a normal President and his normal family, to this...

We have a President who wasn't elected by the popular vote, who is a tweet mongering lunatic and pathological liar. If that weren't enough, he brings along a family, not just to join him occasionally in the White House, but to help him run the government. Without the slightest idea of what they are doing. Of course, neither does Donald Trump as President.

 E.J. Dionne sums it up best in his Washington Post headline: "Admit it: Trump is unfit to serve"

I could stop right now, having made my case for ridding this country of a demagogue who will surely, if given the time, bring the United States down to its knees. But unfortunately there is more...

Donald John sends his son in law, Jared Kushner, Ivanka's husband, to the middle-east for peace negotiations because 1)he s a real estate salesman, 2) he's Ivanka's husband, 3) he's a Jew. As a comparison, a recent negotiator was former Senator and presidential candidate, John Kerry.

Donald John goes wacko when Nordstrom drops his daughter, Ivanks's, clothes line spending a couple days tweeting nonsensical tirades against the company--prompting two other retailers to do the same--mostly ignoring the job he was elected to do,. 

Donald John names Steve Bannon his chief strategist. For what, to promote an administration of white nationalists that is already lopsided with racists like Jeff Sessions, the new Attorney General, and Donald Trump himself, with his first Executive Order to ban immigrants from the country. 

And, of course, the continued cultivation of his twin pathological liar and all around ringmaster of the White House lunatics, Kellyanne Conway. If there is anyone in the lineup of Trump flunkeys that should be kept out of the public eye and cutting the White House lawn, it is KC. 

In closing, Dionne's concerns over Trump's loyalties bother me most and should matter to the wingnuts that elected him. I'm thinking, as we can hold someone accountable legally for libel, there should be a way to make Trump supporters accountable for what this maniac is doing to our country.

The real story...

Political Satire: Mitch McConnell still the asshole even after Obama

Mitch Mitchell-The epitome of hypocrisy

Many Republican Senators, featuring Mitch McConnell at the head of the list, have made it their goal, actually a crusade, to put the good of America on the back burner with the sole purpose to stand in the way and defeat anything the Democrats propose. The movement became a monster under McConnell as the minority leader in the Senate in 2009. His quote was: “The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president.” A single-minded promise to screw the country in order to stop a great President from doing great things. They did.

But Barack Obama was elected to a second term, so now how do we get rid of Mitch McConnell? Legally, of course. With this in mind, I would like to suggest that McConnell immediately retire from the Senate and enter a monastery to atone for his sins against the former President. If he won't go willingly, maybe Harry Reid could be talked into shanghaiing him from the Congress subway system, then delivering him to the abbey. After all, Reid is a former boxer. I know this would never happen but can't you see it now?

First of all, you would have to explain to McConnell what atone means.

Second, none of the Monks would have anything to do with him. Naturally.

Third, McConnell would refuse to enter the monastery if there were any black monks; force needed

Fourth, he would fight to block any...well, just about anything that comes up within the walls.

Fifth, all the lies he tells in the monastery must stay in the monastery. Denied.

Pipe dreams? Yes, but this is what Progressives do with this kind of President and Congress.

The real story...

Political Satire: Trump's 'propaganda minister' in trouble

Kellyanne Conway transitions to pathological liar

Mika Brzezinski of MSNBC's "Morning Joe" show says she won't interview Kellyanne Conway because “It’s giving people dishonesty, it’s not worth the interview.” Another quote from a show anchor...

"Conway hasn’t been invited on the anchor's show for months, saying the viewer gets 'nothing out of her' because 'she constantly obfuscates and misrepresents the truth.'”

 In cognitive behavioral therapy, a pathological liar is...

"...a stand-alone disorder as well as a symptom of other disorders such as psychopathy and antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorders, but people who are pathological liars may not possess characteristics of the other disorders. Excessive lying is a common symptom of several mental disorders."

I can see the headline now, 'Mike Pence assumes presidential duties. His first act is an Executive Order to commit Donald John and KC to the White House funny farm to receive therapy for their compulsive lying. Sorta like a modern day political Mutiny on the Bounty. Trump is of course Captain Bligh, and  Conway could play the deck hand who organizes the crew into mutiny; very appropriate casting if I do say so.

The real story...

Political Satire: Trump Executive Order making Steve Bannon Presdent

Trump's latest Executive Order

Donald Trump was secretly constructing a new Executive Order when Kellyanne Conway walked into the Oval Office. She immediately asked what he was working on since Donald John looked so insidious. He told her he was afraid he might have to resign since everyone was dropping Ivanks's clothes line and there was no way he would let this country's business interfere with his business. Besides, he planned to come out with a new line of golf balls and his business advisers were telling him 'Dump the presidency." I'm recommending Steve Bannon for the job.

"Whaddaya mean, Bannon, Mike Pence is Vice President."

"That's what this Executive Order is for but don't tell Mikey or Stevo yet."

"This is bullshit, why can't I be President?" KC retorted.

"You're a woman, to begin with, and besides, no one likes you. You have to have charisma like me."

It was right then that Melania walked in. "Here's the plan to trim the White House in gold. Mitch McConnell loves it and says he'll get the budget of $100 million approved."

Donald John looked at everyone, "Maybe I'll hang around another two years; probably won't make it past the midterms anyway."

The real story...

Political Satire: 3 Musketeers replace KKK

Yiannopoulos, Spencer and Bannon

Not that we were ever free of the Ku Klux Klan, but now we have a new version of white supremacy going by the initials YSB which stands for Milo Yiannopoulos, Richard Spencer and Steve Bannon. You know who Bannon is but the other two are less well known but just as articulate. And I guess I just don't get it because I have never understood why a white Caucasian thinks the color of their skin makes them a better human being than another person of color, particularly blacks. I read the book, "Race and Reason" over 50 years ago, convinced these people were fruitcakes then.

According to the Additive Color Theory, white is a color and black is the absence of color, scientifically speaking. That could play several ways to mean what you want, but any way you cut it, it's laughable. Look at it this way...for some reason the sun gets hung up on earth and there is no darkness for six months. All us superior whites get sun tans that make us look almost black. All the blacks out in the sun non-stop are bleached out to mulatto. Yiannopoulos, Spencer and Bannon look at each other and are horrified that no one can tell the difference anymore. Peace.

The real story...

Political Satire: Bedbugs responsible for Kellyanne Conway wackiness

Kellyanne's personal bed bug

Kellyanne Conway was lying on the exam table in the emergency room of Bethesda Naval hospital wearing only one of those gowns that open down the back, or front, or whatever. The bright florescent light glaring overhead made her squint, shading her eyes momentarily with her hand. Two doctors were discussing the situation over in the corner but she couldn't really hear what they were saying. One looked at her periodically and she didn't like the scowl on his face. Finally, the other doc said out loud, "It can't be," and KC came raring up.

"It can't be what?" and the two doctors hurriedly left the room calling for constraints.

Now she didn't know what to do. There was something wrong, no doubt, when Donald John had recommended that she needed medical help. Her family and staff agreed. Even Steve Bannon thought her behavior was beyond unusual; on a scale of one to ten, right now she was an eleven. It all stemmed from an itching in her brain that prompted her to say ridiculous things, even more ridiculous than she normally did. Like recently she made the statement that Donald Trump had decided to enter the priesthood and wanted KC to join him as a nun. This was on CNN, labeled alternative news.

It was right after that crawly, itchy feeling in her head. She likened it to liberals walking in her brain and said it wasn't a sure thing but thought it was Bernie Sanders. And then on another occasion, she walked into the briefing room, right up to the podium, and gave the press her daily briefing. Except, the press wasn't there, only a janitor cleaning who clapped loudly. It didn't go unnoticed since the security cameras were on and the secret service was on the floor laughing. Then she was jerked back to reality when the two docs walked back into her room snickering at each other.

"Ms. Conway, I don't exactly know how to tell you this but you have a cute little nest of bedbugs burrowing close to your brain. Right at the base of your skull located between your eyes," one of them said.

At that moment, KC's eyes crossed and she started screaming. "How the hell did they get in there?"

"Probably through your mouth. Is it open a lot?"

The real story...

Political Satire: Iran tells Donald Trump to "shove" his threat

Not sure who to be most afraid of

It was near bedlam in the White House with Kellyanne Conway, Steve Bannon, Michael Flynn and of course Donald John all gathered around the huge Oval Office globe, trying vainly to find Iran on the large round surface. Then Michael Flynn spun the globe and cried wheee! KC put her hand on the surface and stopped the spinning. "Isn't it somewhere in Europe?" she asked.

"Hell no," replied Stevo, "It's a part of Libya."

"You're both way out of line," chimed in flipped-out Flynn, "It's an island right off Greece," as he pointed to a dirty speck on the globe's surface.

And then the commander of chaos spoke up, "You dummies, you can't find Iran because they changed their name to Persia. It was back in 1979 when they ran the Shah of Iran out of the country and Jimmy Carter put him and his wife up in the Lincoln bedroom. They changed the name to Persia; its people were actually Aryans, which translates today into white nationalists."

"Hey," said Stevo, "that fits right into my foreign policy."

Then Reince Preibus walked in. "Some guy from Iran's Hotel Assn. is on the phone, something about a luxury hotel in Tehran."

Donald John looked around the room, "He means Persia." Then, "Tell him I'll be right with him." And then to the others, "Okay, meeting is over."

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Political Satire: How about a robot government-Couldn't be worse

That's me, only much smarter

Amazon is opening a super market in Seattle that is controlled by robots, with only six human on the premises; they plan to reduce humans to three. Don't know about yours but one of the stores we shop in has around a hundred employees and they're talking about three? So I figure...why not apply that concept to the federal government? The adaptation would be relatively simple since Congress is as brainless as are the robots. Except a robot can be equipped with artificial intelligence, something that wouldn't even bring Senators and House Representatives up to the level of moron.

And then there's the White House. That would need a special robot, based on the current occupant. Although, it is very doubtful that you could find even a robot that would mimic this lunatic, and as far as I know, robots don't lie. Maybe the Neiman Marcus catalog could be talked into coming up with a presidential robot since they deal in the extravagant. The big question, of course, is how many humans would it take to manage all the robots? The answer is zero. Even robots running amok in Washington couldn't do any worse that the blockheads that are running it now.

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Political Satire: White House forced to take English 101

The dufus and his minions

Say what you want, but Donald Trump is supposed to have at least a modicum of intelligence; unfortunately that has never translated into common sense. But even the acumen of the glorious new leader of the greatest country in the world needs help. How do you spell honor? Not honer. The use of the word unprecedented, becomes unpresidented in Donald John's tweets, quite possibly the fact that he still can't believe he was elected, as many thousands more feel. How's this tweet, “I am honered to serve you, the great American People, as your 45th President of the United States!”

The modern world already thinks the Trump administration is a conglomeration of racists, white nationalists, loose cannons, crackpots and full-fledged idiots. Its commander is the epitome of lunacy. The UK''s Independent said...

"The grammar used by Donald Trump in his speeches as he campaigned to become the Republican presidential candidate corresponds to that used by students aged 11 and under."

Here's how the Washington Post put it...

The English language was unprepared for the attak. It was destined to loose. And, inevitably, it chocked.

Apparently Donald John missed, or if he was there, failed, all the spelling bees in high school.

Political Satire: Anti-Trump followers flock to Mars

A NASA astronaut was asked if we should take the opportunity to colonize Mars. He said, "Nope." Ron Garan said this recently so it isn't like it was before Donald Trump was elected. Or maybe he is a supporter of Donald John. Probably not when you consider his letter to the new U.S. emperor. But I would like to propose a compromise to the idea. Establish a temporary haven for the anti-Trump folks, something like a Disneyland on Mars; they're everywhere else. Maybe even let Trump build it with, of course, staunch oversight.

Once Richard Branson has the kinks worked out of Virgin Galactic, he can start taking reservations and with the millions of takers, Branson should be able to reduce his fare of $250,000 a trip down to the typical cost of an airline ticket cross-country. It's only provisional accommodations, of course, and once Donald John is impeached or implodes and resigns, a happy group of anti-Trump devotees can return to earth and begin the process of getting rid of Mike Pence and the entire Republican Party. The last part will be the hardest but certainly the most fulfilling.

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Political Satire: Kellyanne Conway...President?

The whip was concealed in her purse but everyone she passed in the hallway could see the fire in her eyes with the complete determination that was written on her face. Kellyanne Conway was on a mission and she would let nothing stand in her way. Just outside the Oval Office, she told the staff, including Vice President Pence who was waiting, 'no one enters until I am done.' She went in without knocking and locked the door behind her. Walking over to the great ruler's desk, she took the whip from her purse, threw it in front of Donald Trump and said, "See this, hope I don't have to use it."

"What the hell do you mean walking in here like..."

"Don't give me that shit, Donald John, I got you elected and I can get you un-elected, unless you change your ways."

DJ was at a loss for words for a few minutes until regaining his composure. "I could fire you for something like this."

"You could but you won't. What I know about you would fill three extra editions of the Washington Post. Now listen to me. I'm tired of you putting out all this bullshit and then I have to explain it. Makes me look like a dumb shit."

"Hold on a minute, need to tweet something on Jeff Sessions confirmation."

"No freakin' way until I approve it; all of those go through me from now on."

"No way," said a cranky but cowering DJ, and then he pushed back from his desk and started to get up.

As he did, KC yanked the whip up from his desk, cracking it just in front of DJ's nose. "Sit, she commanded," and he did. "From now on I'm running things around here. You sit in the chair but I give the orders. This country wanted a female president, well now they've got one." She rolled the whip up, put it back in her purse, and walked out of the Oval Office.

After KC had closed the door, DJ pulled out his smartphone and dialed a number. "Hey 'Fat Tony,' remember that favor you owe me?"

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Political Satire: Will Bernie Sanders sue Donald Trump

A lawsuit might just work against loudmouth

If anyone knows a fraud it is Bernie Sanders, Democratic candidate for the 2016 Primary along with Hillary Clinton. The Bern says Donald John is a fraud because he wants to "...undo financial regulations enacted following the 2008 financial crisis as a betrayal of his campaign promises to stand up against Wall Street." If there is anyone who stands up to Wall Street, it is Bernie Sanders. He said Donald Trump is a good showman but a hypocrite by deserting the middle-class voters after campaigning heavily on this issue.

Sanders sued the DNC so why not the President of the United States. The Bern would sue Donald John, on behalf of the workers of America, for breach of contract, citing his promises to them in his presidential campaign to stand his ground against the financial giants. The courts recognize some promises as legally sound for litigation, and considering the number of pledges Trump has already broken along with the numbers of lies uttered to prove his points, there is a natural precedent for the broken promise charge filing. I can see it now...

They probably wouldn't jail a sitting President but can't you see Donald John confined to the White House wearing an ankle bracelet monitoring his every move. At least Melania would know where he is then.

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Political Satire: Even foreign restauranteurs repelled by Donald Trump

Cafe ZeeZicht with Trump antagonists

Cafe ZeeZicht in Antwerp, Belgium, will start a boycott this Friday against all American products. “The language Mr. Trump speaks is the language of economics, so in that language we want to reply,” says the bar's owner, David Joris . "So, that’s why we are not selling American products at the moment.” Thanks to Donald John, we might have a trend starting in Europe that could have a huge impact on America's foreign trade. Joris has replaced Lay's chips with Belgian-made Croky chips, Coke has been substituted by a Belgian-made cola. What will be next?

The UK's Telegraph reports that Donald Trump's trade policies are driving Latin America into China's arms; will it drive countries like Belgium into Russia's? Maybe this is the deal going on between Putin and Trump, to build up the Russian economy. A few more like this and Vlad will let Donald John build his luxury hotel in Moscow. But the best part is Joris's idea of boycotting. How about Trump hotels in Las Vegas, Washington, D.C., Chicago, and into Canada, Toronto and Vancouver. Go to Hotels.com for substitutes. That's my Trump shot for the day.

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